Minuscula Sed Ferox
(Icon Art by Lindsay Small-Butera)
I love Drift so very very much.I want to kiss this robot.
LYRA I RECORDED YOU A THING
OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE BEST FUCKIN’ THING
I was doing this horrible mock used-car salesman commercial schtick at Otakon for a place called Waifu Depot and I wish I had the wherewithal to make it into an actual piece of youtube comedy trash.
"COME ON DOWN TO WAIFU DEPOT, WHERE WE HAVE THE MOST MOE GIRLS IN THE WORLD"
"EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED, PHYSICALLY IN NEED, BIG BROTHER COMPLEXES, WE GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL FIND NO GIRLS WITH LESS AGENCY THAN AT WAIFU DEPOT"
"WE GOT YOUR TSUNDERES, WE GOT YOUR KUUDERES, WE GOT EVERY KIND OF GIRL TO SATISFY YOUR UNREALISTIC IDEALS OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, RIGHT HERE AT WAIFU DEPOT"
Sealing off my door and hotboxing enough fart methane to fuel the Russian space program.
I am disgusting and I do not care.
So I’m sure you recognize this as one of the epic moments from “The Prince of Egypt” where we see the super majestic whale as they cross through the Red Sea. However I noticed just one little issue: whale tales don’t move from side to side, they move up and down. And then it hit me, that’s not a whale. That’s not a whale. It’s a motherfucking SHARK. A BIG ASS MEGALODONIAN SHARK. WAITING IN THE WATER TO EAT THE PHARAOH’S SOLDIERS. Goddamn, Dreamworks.
The flat, blunt head, dorsal fin placed way towards the end, and attendant fishes make me think of a whale shark more than anything else, but definitely an appropriate Leviathan.
I am a grown ass woman on a three year dry spell, of course I own a sex toy like a Craftsman power tool, I don’t give a shit.
If my jerk-off sessions ever get interrupted by Twee Ukelele Chanteuse Bullshit Hour again, I am going to summon Satan in this apartment.